No Regrets
by Heeroluva
Summary: After a mission gone awry, Jim begins to question things. Jim/Spock/Bones


Title: No Regrets  
Author: heeroluva  
Pairing: Jim/Spock/Bones  
Warnings: h/c, angst, fluff, mentions of physical/psychological torture  
Disclaimer: I don't own them. I just like to play with them.  
Summary: After a mission gone awry, Jim begins to question things.  
Notes: This is written for (and also beta'ed by) whiteraven1606who wanted K/S/Mc cuddling. All mistakes are mine. Feel free to let me know if you see any. As always feedback is appreciated.

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While the circumstances that had started the day were less then desirable, Jim couldn't complain about their current position. It wasn't often that Jim got to spend time with his lovers like this, just snuggled together with no place to be. Normally it was hard enough to get their shifts and free time to coincide enough to get together, but when it did they'd have hurried sex before duty once again pulled them away from each other. Don't get him wrong. Jim loves the sex. He'd be the last person to admit that he doesn't.

But none of them were in a state that left them up to sex in more than one way. It was an abnormal mission. Yes, Jim had gotten injured, but so had Spock and Bones. Jim still cursed himself for that, for putting them in that danger, for not seeing the possibilities beforehand. Considering the circumstances, they'd gotten off lucky. Jim had a cracked skull and a concussion that left him seeing double and doing his best not to move thus his queasy stomach finally decide to empty itself. But compared to the other he had gotten off easy.

Carefully turning his head to the side, he took note of the shirtless Spock lying next to him and the stark white bandages that were wrapped tightly around his ribs but still couldn't conceal the myriad of copper bruises that decorated his form. The festivities began with their captors chaining Spock upright to the ceiling and floor and using him as a punching bag. He was lucky that his bone density was so much higher than that of a human and that their captors hadn't been that strong, or Spock would have had massive internal injuries rather than some cracked ribs and nasty bruising.

Looking past Spock, Jim took note of McCoy's wrapped hand, resting carefully on a pillow. Out of all of them, Bones came out the worst. When they wouldn't talk their captors had taken great delight in methodically breaking every single one of the fingers on the doctor's left hand before moving on to the metacarpals. They'd taken immense pleasure in it, knowing that Bones was a doctor and his hands were prized instruments to him. Their captors knew that such injuries were difficult to treat and could easily lead to permanent disability, and they'd even voiced the likelihood of full recovery after each crack, when Bones finally stopped screaming and wasn't coherent enough to hear them.

But still the doctor never said a word, never gave anything away. Jim hated himself for getting them into such a situation and not being able to get any of them out sooner. He hated himself for putting them all in a situation where they could be used against each other in such a way. Their captors could feel heart bonds, and deciding that he was the weakest link, they'd hurt his lovers to get him to crack.

But he hadn't, despite everything inside of him telling him that he should. _The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few._Oh, how Jim hated that phrase, but he'd sworn by it when he'd become Captain, knew that Spock and McCoy had as well, and knew that they would never forgive him if he broke that for them. The lives of the entirety of the Federation were not more important than their own, despite what they all may have felt for each other.

Judging from the goofy grin on McCoy's sleeping face the doctor wasn't feeling much of anything, he was glad that they were able to give him some good drugs. The prognosis wasn't good, but they couldn't do surgery until the swelling went down, and they wouldn't know more until they were able to have the surgery. As the situation currently looked, there would be a number of surgeries, and even more months of physical therapy, and even then there was no way of knowing how much movement and dexterity Bones would regain.

M'Benga hadn't wanted to let them go, but Jim had been adamant about it, claiming that they would be more comfortable together rather than in the sterile sickbay which was the truth. The man could also just as easily monitor them here as there.

Jim clenched his eyes shut against the tears that threatened to fall, not having let them fall before and knowing that he had no right to let them fall now. He swallowed the sob that he knew he'd regret both physically and mentally, jumping as a hand suddenly intertwined with his.

Eyes snapping open, it took a moment for him to focus them on Spock's worried gaze. Realizing it wasn't Spock's hand in his own, his eyes followed it across Spock's smooth stomach to Bones. Lifting his gaze to the doctor's surprisingly lucid eyes, he couldn't help the tears that finally began to fall at the look of warmth and acceptance in his eyes.

"It's not your fault, Jim."

But Jim didn't want to believe the words, couldn't believe them because he had to blame someone.

It was Spock's turn to speak. "Leonard is correct, Jim. We had no way of knowing a trap had been laid. Even given the extraordinary amount of trouble in which we manage to find ourselves, there was no indication that situation was not as it was supposed to be."

Jim looked away, suddenly unable to meet their eyes.

"But—"

Bones interrupted him, "No, you did nothing wrong. There's nothing to forgive. It was shit shitty luck. We're alive and together, and that's all that matters." The _I love you_was unspoken but there, and Spock's look said the same.

Jim gave them both a watery grin before addressing Bones, "You're really sappy when you're high on painkillers." Jim took a deep breath. They never said the words enough, never having the time or the place, but he was going to start finding occasions, and now was a perfectly good time. "I love you both, so much."

They surprise in their gazes made Jim's heart twist. He obviously didn't say it enough. He'd have to fix that… often and when least expected, for the smallest things. Theirs wasn't the perfect relationship. They had their ups and down, but they fit, and Jim wouldn't give that up for the world. But he also didn't want to see them in such a situation again.

Spock's hand slid down to rest on top of Jim and Bones' intertwined pair. "We knew from the beginning that this relationship would not be devoid of hardships. Given our occupations it will be more difficult than most, but it is the choice we made. I do not regret a moment of it, and it is my desire that you do not either."

Jim blinked back new tears, cursing himself for acting like a teenage girl. He'd never heard Spock speak so openly or be so frank about their relationship. "I don't regret anything."

There was a softly murmured, "Nor do I," that causes Jim to glance over at a once again sleeping Bones.

Carefully scooting down the bed, he curled up against Spock's side, laying his head on Spock's stomach near all three of their joined hands. He sighed as Spock's free hand tangled in his hair. Yes, the circumstances left much to be desired and they all had a long way to go before they were healed, Bones in particular, but they'd get through it together. Suddenly exhausted his yawned and between one blink and the next drifted off to sleep, wondering if the softly whispered "I love you" was real or dream.


End file.
